WHAT DO YOU DO WITH SOMEONE WHO CONTINUES TO DO WRONG?

I’m a traveling rep for God’s kingdom of grace, I think.  More out of my office than in, I spend much of my time in conversations with people inside and outside the church.

A lot of my conversations this week have had to do with the Christian way of forgiveness.  People are still sorting out what last weekend’s sermon means for them and their life.

A friend asked me, as we had lunch yesterday, “What do you do with someone who is unkind and continues to treat people unkindly?  What do you do when a person refuses to change and stop their harmful behavior?”

I thought some of you might have the same question.

I told my friend that forgiveness doesn’t mean shrugging or being passive in the face of injustice or unkindness or sin.  In fact, Jesus (see Matthew 18:15-ff.) suggests a way of responding:

First, go to the person whose behavior is destructive or sinful and talk directly with them if that is possible.

Second, if they refuse to deal with the issue, recognize their role in what is wrong, or stop sinning, then take one or two others who can help bring light and grace to the conversation.

Third, if the person still doesn’t deal with their sin then take the person (and issue) to the church.  I take that to mean bringing the issue to a pastor or trusted friend for prayer and consultation and support.

If the person continues their destructive and sinful behavior there are two other options mentioned in the New Testament.

In Luke 10 Jesus talks about “brushing the dust” off our feet and moving on if someone refuses to welcome us.  So sometimes our response, even as we forgive someone, is to move on.  Put distance between us and them.

Paul, in Corinthians, mentions there are actually times when for the safety of the community and the health of the community, a dangerous, destructive, unfaithful person must be removed even from the church.  Over the course of my ministry we have actually had to do that, asking someone to move on.  Jesus does caution us about making judgments too quickly, though, in his Parable of the Weeds in Matthew 13:24-ff.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean shrugging in the face of sin or injustice.  Those things can be addressed faithfully even as we let go of our need to make everything right in a relationship or even the ledger.

Addressing the subject of forgiveness, Frederick Buechner explains in the section of the Lord’s Prayer where we ask God to forgive as we have forgiven others, Jesus is not saying that God’s forgiveness is conditional upon our forgiving others.  In the first place, forgiveness that’s conditional isn’t really forgiveness at all, just fair warning; and in the second place, our unforgivingness is among those things about us that we need to have God forgive us most.  What Jesus apparently is saying is that the pride that keeps us from forgiving is the same pride that keeps us from accepting forgiveness, and will God please help us do something about it.

Forgiveness is a gift we first give ourselves.  It is a way to keep life from being cluttered by grudges and wounds and bitterness.  But it doesn’t mean shrugging in the face of sin and injustice.

See you out and around this week!

In Christ and for Christ,

Mark