"An Age-Old Argument" From the Bishop Mike Coyner's E-pistles

Last week we enjoyed spring vacation in Florida with our adult kids and our two youngest grandchildren. It was a really nice week, and we had near-perfect weather, lots of fun and a good experience being together in one condo for the week. The grandchildren, Austin and Leah, were especially cute (from my unbiased opinion as their Abu or grandpa), but they have reached the age where they get into verbal arguments with one another.

What did they argue about? They were each possessive and wanted their own way at times. In particular they were possessive of Marsha (whom they call "Meemaw") and we had to listen to each of them declare, "She is my Meemaw!" followed by the other responding, "No, she is my Meemaw!" It was cute in many ways, but it was hard for us to get them to realize that Meemaw belongs to both of them.

Their silliest argument was about their age. Austin, who turned 3 last August, would declare, "I'm 3," and then Leah, who turned 3 in January, would respond, "No, I'm 3!" No matter how hard we tried to get them to understand that they could both be 3 years old, they would argue about their ages.

While such arguments by children are cute, they reflect an age-old argument that humans have had for centuries. We human beings want our own way, we don't want to share, and we don't want to yield to someone else's needs or happiness. It is cute in little children, but it is ridiculous in adults and especially among church people who forget that the first lesson of being Christian is to love one another. Too often in the church we base our arguments upon our own PREFERENCES rather than joining together to accomplish the PURPOSE and the mission of the church. I hear people wanting their preferences in worship styles, Sunday morning schedules, dress codes for their pastors, and a whole range of other issues which are really about each person's PREFERENCE rather than about the PURPOSE of the church. When we try to settle such disputes around our own PREFERENCES there are no solutions. When we pause and reflect about such issues in the light of the church's PURPOSE, then different solutions become obvious.

As I listened to the "age-old" arguments by our two 3-year-olds, I wondered if some of our church disputes today sound that childish to God. Perhaps even our arguments about sexuality and marriage seem childish to The Lord in the face of a world full of issues like hunger, injustice, poverty, greed, violence, war, disease, etc. In the midst of such important issues, does God become inpatient with our endless arguments?

I don't know all the answers, but I do know that we will never find answers by shouting at one other from our own PREFERENCES and our own possessiveness. I was reminded by our two 3-year-olds that we adults need to focus upon our larger PURPOSE in life and in the church.

(If you would like to sign up for the bishop's E-pistle follow the link below, and select E-pistle under areas of interest. http://inumc.org/site/stayconnected )

WHATEVER...

A church member sent me a note last week that took my breath away. Want to know what she said? Well, read on...to the end!

+++++

They're jockeying for the pole position out there on the road. They know what we know: there is something exhilarating about being first, about being in the lead, about being the VIP in the room, about getting your way. As one 5-year-old I know says when she is at the back of the family procession on a park trail, "I don't want to be the caboose!"

In the 9th chapter of Luke Jesus has told his friends that he is going to die for them...and the world. You might suppose that example of suffering servanthood would elicit some degree of humility in the disciples. Hearing their teacher talk about giving up his life, you might think they would curb their own ego needs and their fear of being lost in the back of the parade... the procession.

But, no, an argument breaks out (verse 46) "among the disciples as to which of them would be the greatest." It's not pretty.

Jesus took a small child, had the child stand beside him, and said, "Whoever welcomes this little child in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me. For whoever is least among you all is the greatest."

As we are tempted to elbow others out of the way to get what we want, the words of Jesus point us in another direction. We want to be up on the VIP stand and Jesus tells us to look for a way and place to serve.

Last week I received a note from a church member who had been working hard on something for the church. We weren't sure we could accommodate what she was trying to accomplish, and do you know what she said back in an email?

"Whatever is best for the greater good."

She meant it.

This amazing woman has the heart of a servant. And she trusts the leaders of the church to do their best...even when they can't explain every part of the decision they have made.

My friend isn't insisting that the whole body be just like her, but she understands the body is made up of different parts...and yet we are one.

Is her statement a good description of how we live out our life together as a member of Christ's people? When you next come to a point where you aren't getting your way in a difficult moment, after you've done your best for Christ, what would it take for you to say what she has said: "Whatever is best for the greater good?"

I have a hunch. A congregation of people with a "Whatever is best for the greater good" mindset would change the world. A church with that kind of heart would transform the community. A "Whatever is best for the greater good" soul community would be magnetic, attracting hundreds and hundreds of people eager to be a part of that kind of faith fellowship.

Isn't that something? In a world where people argue about who is the greatest or who will get their way, there is this line: "Whatever is best for the greater good."

In Christ and for Christ,

Mark

ARE WE THERE YET?

If you have ever gone on a road trip with a child, you have more than likely heard the question, "Are we there yet?" As children of God, we are each on a journey every day of our lives. Sometimes we are the driver, sometimes we are the passenger, sometimes we ride in the front seat, sometimes we ride in the back seat, sometimes we are in charge of the directions, and sometimes we are in charge of the snacks. Regardless of where we are and where we are going on our individual journeys, we are also on a journey together as Christians.

This past fall, I was given the sincere honor to join 13 other members of our congregation on the first phase of the Fruitful Congregations Journey (FCJ). While I understood that in this first phase we would read books, meet as a team, meet with other churches once a month in Seymour, IN, and last, but certainly not least, lift each other and this process up in prayer, I was not prepared for how we would grow, learn, and change together.

In September, we started out as 14 people of different ages, from different backgrounds, with different jobs, attending different services, and with different ideas of what we were trying to accomplish in phase one of this journey. As we read, studied, discussed, prayed, and listened to each other we began to hear God and the road became clearer.

We transitioned from members of a congregation to members of a church family. More importantly we began to see the face of God in each other and hear the call of God on us as individuals and as a church. We began to realize that God has bigger dreams and goals than we could ever imagine for our church, for our community, for our country, and for our world. In essence, we began to truly discern the big idea that to move forward on this journey we will have to let go and let God lead us as a community of faith. God created each of us, has a plan for our lives, and is ready and patiently waiting for us to let go of the steering wheel.

It is now May and we have completed Phase One of this journey. We realize that we are not there yet, but it is exciting to know that we are getting closer day by day. And, I look forward to continuing on this journey with each and every one of you.

-Nicole Griffin

Vulnerability and Courage

On a sunny evening in late April, I found myself in the company of twenty or so other people in the basement of the Church preparing to talk about leadership. I didn't quite know what to expect so I listened hard to the video that opened the session. It was a video of Brene Brown's 2010 TedEx talk entitled "The Power of Vulnerability" https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability. If you have not already seen this talk, I highly suggest that you follow the link above.

Brown's research reveals that we, as adult Americans, are bad at "doing" vulnerability. And because we are bad at being vulnerable, we numb emotion. When we run from being vulnerable and numb our emotions, we:

     (a) make everything that is uncertain, certain;

     (b) perfect: people, places, things-everything around us and in our lives; and

     (c) pretend that what we do doesn't have an effect on people.

However, if we let ourselves be vulnerable, we will be seen-deeply seen for who we are. At that point then we can begin to be our authentic selves. While it is true that vulnerability is the birthplace of shame and fear, it is also the mother to joy, creativity, belonging, and love.

            

While the video resonated with me, I still I found it a bit puzzling that it was chosen to launch a meeting about leadership in a church. However, as the meeting progressed and we started to discuss the "Big Stuff" in the Church, I was finally able to connect the two together.

                

Representatives from the Finance Committee and the Board of Trustees presented a joint request for approval by the Church Council. The request was for authority to appoint a task force to investigate the options for use of the Post Office site. As with most things concerning the Post office site, the discussion that ensued showed the spectrum of opinions on the issue. Here is where I had my "Aha" moment, as Oprah likes to call it.

What I drew from Brown's talk, viewed from the lens of Church leadership, is that leaders need to be allowed to be vulnerable in order to truly listen and be authentic in their relationships with others. The task force for which the Trustees and Finance Committee were seeking approval is created in order to be vulnerable with the congregation in respect to the Post Office site. We as a congregation are frightened about what the site holds for us. We are scared to do nothing, yet we are also scared of doing too much or taking the wrong steps. And because we are frightened, our actions show we are striving to make the outcome perfect, and make the uncertain, certain. Without the permission to be vulnerable in our processes, and leaders to carry out that courageous task, we will only end up taking action which pretends that it does not have an effect on people.

                

So, I see that the task force is charged to be visionaries, to let us, the congregation of First United Methodist Church, be seen and to present not one answer ("the" Answer) but different options for discussion. In so doing, the task force will enable the congregants to connect, rather than divide, over the future of the Post Office Site and the mission of this Church.

  

- Jessica L. Merkel

ARE YOU THE BAR OR THE NET?

A friend was telling me about his world the other day.  He commented that in his professional world people are expected to be perfect.  To master a particular body of knowledge perfectly and to learn how to present this material without error.

I was thinking about that comment the next day and suddenly I had this image of a trapeze bar and the circus net below.  The expectation of perfection, the refusal of even the possibility of a mistake or error, is deciding to live life as a trapeze bar.  It's narrow, hard to hold onto, and one slip and you're gone.

We've all either been around perfectionists or we have demanded error-free performance from those around us at work, home, on the baseball field, or at church.  There's no margin for error.  There's no talk of learning from failure and moving on.

So some people are the bar.

And then there are some people who are the net.  The net represents grace.  Grace catches us when we get it wrong.  Grace keeps us from being destroyed by failure.  Grace softens the landing, even though everyone  -especially us!-  knows we didn't get that particular move right, and invites us to try again.

I hunch you know some people who are the bar.

I am sure you know some people who are the net.

Who will you be?

Will we be a congregation full of thin, metal bars where if a person slips they're gone?  Or will we be a community of faith where even as we strive for excellence beneath everything is the net...is grace?  If that is who we are called to be then what does that look like as we live it out?

One stormy day (or night) on the Sea of Galilee, Jesus and the disciples (Matthew 8:23-ff.) were crossing the lake.  Jesus went to sleep in the bottom of the boat.  The disciples woke him up screaming, "Lord, save us!  We're going to drown!"  Their faith and confidence disappeared in the face of a strong wind.  Jesus offers them a mild rebuke as he says, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?"  The Galilean then calms the wind and the waves.  It's a learning moment.  Their collapse in fear is a learning moment, but Jesus doesn't write them off or leave them a mean note the next morning.

The bar or the net: who will we be?

In Christ and for Christ,

Mark Fenstermacher