One of my favorite
people in the whole world was Dorothy. Dorothy was a piano instructor in
our town. She and her husband were both ushers and leaders in the church.
In those days I had a yellow “power tie” with small, blue dots. It looked cool. (Really!) Dorothy hated that tie. I’m not sure why. Several times, when she saw me wearing the tie, she would tell me how ugly she thought it was. Then, one Sunday morning, she and I were talking. Dorothy looked at my tie and said, “I have half a mind to go back to the office, get a pair of scissors, and cut that tie off from around your neck.”
Her eyes were twinkling when she said it. I responded (with eyes twinkling), “Dorothy, the color of my tie is none of your business. I don’t go around making comments about your shoes or dresses! Leave me alone.” We both laughed.
Dorothy never again offered her opinion about the color and design of my ties. (And we remained good friends!)
We’ve been talking about how important engaged, informed, thoughtful followers are in the church. Anthony Robinson, in an article in Christian Century about the importance of having a congregational culture where healthy followers are encouraged, says healthy followers keep boundaries.
We usually think of boundaries as having to do with sexual behavior. The article stresses other aspects of church members keeping healthy boundaries. Robinson writes, “Troubled congregations often have a pattern of too many people treating everything as their business, their arena of concern and their involvement.”
He points to two areas. First, healthy boundaries in a church often has to do with personnel issues. When a personnel decision is made in a church, it is not unusual for all sorts of people to think it is their business and “to insert themselves into the situation even though it’s against the law to discuss an employee’s record or performance.”
Second, Robinson points out how in some congregations people do the work the way six-year-olds play soccer – they play “bunch ball.” Everyone runs to the ball. Everyone wants to be in on every decision. No one plays his or her position. “Good following means knowing what tasks and business have ‘your name on it’ and which ones don’t,” Robinson writes.
In healthy congregations we honor boundaries. We know our roles. We know which plays have our names on them and which ones don’t. We trust others to make the play when the ball comes to their side of the field (their area of ministry or their leadership responsibility).
In healthy congregations the leaders take the time to meet with new leaders, train them, and help them understand the mission and their roles within that mission.
In healthy congregations people understand there are some things everyone can’t -and should not- know. We trust prayerful, wise leaders to handle some decisions that the rest of us may not understand.
Dorothy was one of those saints whose friendship and words of encouragement were a huge blessing to me. But it really wasn’t appropriate for her to make repeated judgments about my very cool, yellow tie. My choice of ties -just like my choice of pizza or flowers to plant in the back yard- was my business.
Paul, in Romans 12, tells us we have special gifts and he encourages us to use them. I believe that is his way of reminding us that we each have a job to do for God – and we aren’t to try and do it all on our own. Don’t play “bunch ball.”
Then, in Romans 15:7, he tells us to “accept one another…just as Christ accepted you.” Maybe that means remembering the color and style of our friend’s sandals, or tie, or jeans isn’t our business. Let it go.
In those days I had a yellow “power tie” with small, blue dots. It looked cool. (Really!) Dorothy hated that tie. I’m not sure why. Several times, when she saw me wearing the tie, she would tell me how ugly she thought it was. Then, one Sunday morning, she and I were talking. Dorothy looked at my tie and said, “I have half a mind to go back to the office, get a pair of scissors, and cut that tie off from around your neck.”
Her eyes were twinkling when she said it. I responded (with eyes twinkling), “Dorothy, the color of my tie is none of your business. I don’t go around making comments about your shoes or dresses! Leave me alone.” We both laughed.
Dorothy never again offered her opinion about the color and design of my ties. (And we remained good friends!)
We’ve been talking about how important engaged, informed, thoughtful followers are in the church. Anthony Robinson, in an article in Christian Century about the importance of having a congregational culture where healthy followers are encouraged, says healthy followers keep boundaries.
We usually think of boundaries as having to do with sexual behavior. The article stresses other aspects of church members keeping healthy boundaries. Robinson writes, “Troubled congregations often have a pattern of too many people treating everything as their business, their arena of concern and their involvement.”
He points to two areas. First, healthy boundaries in a church often has to do with personnel issues. When a personnel decision is made in a church, it is not unusual for all sorts of people to think it is their business and “to insert themselves into the situation even though it’s against the law to discuss an employee’s record or performance.”
Second, Robinson points out how in some congregations people do the work the way six-year-olds play soccer – they play “bunch ball.” Everyone runs to the ball. Everyone wants to be in on every decision. No one plays his or her position. “Good following means knowing what tasks and business have ‘your name on it’ and which ones don’t,” Robinson writes.
In healthy congregations we honor boundaries. We know our roles. We know which plays have our names on them and which ones don’t. We trust others to make the play when the ball comes to their side of the field (their area of ministry or their leadership responsibility).
In healthy congregations the leaders take the time to meet with new leaders, train them, and help them understand the mission and their roles within that mission.
In healthy congregations people understand there are some things everyone can’t -and should not- know. We trust prayerful, wise leaders to handle some decisions that the rest of us may not understand.
Dorothy was one of those saints whose friendship and words of encouragement were a huge blessing to me. But it really wasn’t appropriate for her to make repeated judgments about my very cool, yellow tie. My choice of ties -just like my choice of pizza or flowers to plant in the back yard- was my business.
Paul, in Romans 12, tells us we have special gifts and he encourages us to use them. I believe that is his way of reminding us that we each have a job to do for God – and we aren’t to try and do it all on our own. Don’t play “bunch ball.”
Then, in Romans 15:7, he tells us to “accept one another…just as Christ accepted you.” Maybe that means remembering the color and style of our friend’s sandals, or tie, or jeans isn’t our business. Let it go.
In Christ and for Christ,
Mark
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